I was going to make this a post about how grateful I've been feeling the past week or two: I'm a new home that I adore, I'm no longer living alone and my roommate is already a friend and a Godsend, and it feels like a fresh chapter, and I'm really thankful and excited.
But then I was thinking about how when people only share their the happiest things online, it can create a lopsided picture of their lives that can end up making others feel like their own lives are weirdly challenging or empty. I get that not *every single thing* needs to be shared on social media, and I also understand the value in sharing predominately positive things, but as a pretty regular sharer I also want to make sure that my online curating isn't leading to that thing where only sharing my highlight reel gives anyone following me a false impression...
So in light of that, here are some things that you probably don't know from social media: Moving to Austin was cool, but also really hard. Starting over somewhere new with virtually no friends, working from home, and living alone was brutal. I went through a break up the week after I got here. The other party involved, someone I cared about very much over the course of years, immediately started dating someone else, and I've been trying to process the emotional realities of the situation. God has been growing and teaching me so much through it! But that doesn't mean it hasn't been painful. I still haven't found a church home in Austin, and I've taken a break from looking, because it's tiring. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by leaving Guatemala. Visiting a couple weeks ago was awesome, but leaving is still terrible. I miss my friends and community there, and the kids of course, daily. I have some wonderful people in my life, but maintaing friendships into adulthood is tougher than I expected, and I'm getting to the point where I'm needing to learn when to stop trying and let go of some of them, and that's not fun. My family is amazing! But sometimes I argue with them, and I don't think I show them gratitude enough. Despite my love of God and my (I've been told) confident demeanor, I regularly struggle with anxiety and fear and am very much still in the process of learning to trust fully. I need to pray and read my Bible more. I practice yoga! And it's still really hard. The bunnies are really cute, but man, cleaning out their cage sucks. I haven't been walking my dog enough because it's so dang hot. The other day I dipped a spoonful of peanut butter into coconut sugar and I called it lunch. I'm looking forward to the future, but I often worry that I'm not using my life as well as I should be, and I'm scared of not living up to my potential. And I'm also feeling really, delightfully grateful. The awesome, happy things in my life are so real! The cute animals, smiles, sunshine, God moving, and gratitude. But the above stuff is all real, too. There's a lot more going on "behind the scenes", and I'm guessing that's true for a lot of other people, too.
Social media may be a place for highlight reels, but LIFE is so much more. It's complex, confusing, often mundane, rarely black and white, full of more joy than a status could ever convey, and absolutely a journey. So if you can relate to my confessional at all, I guess I just want you to know that you're not alone, God's got you, and we are very much alive smile emoticon
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